'Orace's 'Oliday (the sequel to "Orace Goes Fishing")
c1995 Martin Pickering
By now 'Orace needed an 'oliday
So he booked him a flight to Crete
His Dad and his Mam both cried out "lad, nay,
There's bad water and flies and the heat!"
His sister came in at that moment
(The one with a face like a cow)
"We need you to poison the rodents
So you surely won't be leaving us now?"
But 'Orace retorted "I will be!"
And went and got dressed up real neat
With a white jacket, shirt and a trilby
And shiny brown boots on his feet
His Mam laid out undies and shirts f'r him
Spare socks and six ties on his bed
Some cheese and some spam and fresh dripping
It was factor ten cream for his head
"You'd best put it on before leaving
We don't want your pate to get burned"
He was not very sure of her meaning
So she spun him and greased while he turned
As he reached for the door his Mam kissed him
He went red in the face and bent down
He thought he saw something was glistening
In his turn-up he found half a crown
"That won't be much good where you're going
They use something that they call a drakmer"
She was doing her best to delay him
But all she got back was his laughter
"It'll do fer me bus fare t't' airport"
He muttered to no-one particler
He felt fairly proud of that retort
Now maybe her conscience would prick her
His boots were too big and he stumbled
But he ran and was trying his best
Then he tripped in the hedge and he tumbled
And rammed his head into a nest
He ran back up the path to the front door
An ugly black wig on his head
"Mam quick I think I need a doctor!"
His Dad said "'e's back, where's me bread?"
His mother approached quite judicious
"Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs!"
As she got closer it became obvious
It was twigs on his head - not hairs
Now the neighbours had heard some strange noises
And came round to see what it could be
Just as 'Orace and Mam raised their voices
And began a wild dance round the tree
"Don't touch it it hurts when you do that!"
Said 'Orace who was scared as a mouse
"Well it looks like a juniper bush hat
And I won't have it inside my house!"
Then his Dad appeared in the front door way
And shouted "where's my blooming tea?"
Mam replied "You can just have it your way
I'll cut t' bread while you sort out He!"
Sister Betty came out with a blow lamp
Dad lit it and said "What a girl!
It'll melt t' dripping off ower young chap
Loosening t'nest - let's give it a whirl!"
But 'Orace had heard enough banter
And sidled away, casual
He broke out into a canter
And headed off towards the canal
It seemed the whole town was a following
They thought he was mad as a hatter
And they screamed with delight and a hollering
As he hurled himself into the watter
Copyright ©2006 SatCure
Updated August 2, 2010
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